Archive for May, 2009

Time Travel

Posted in Uncategorized on May 18, 2009 by divineappointment

Today I exhausted quite a bit of time thinking about …well, everything. Oy. Something are best left unthought, to tell you the truth. I went through my old myspace mail –all 60+ pages of undeleted history. Let me tell you this. It really brought back a lot of memories. Some of those were precious, others were not so precious.  As I look at my life I see it in sections. Some sections I don’t want to really remember.  As I was reading through notes and letters from old acquaintances, stalkers, short term fans, and momentary encounters. I felt like I was living in this surreal life. I was staring into the lifeless-frozen pixel faces of people that I have not seen in years. People that, somewhere in the back of my spirit, I did not ever want to see again. People that painfully went out of their way to ruin my life.

How dramatic does that sound? I would better explain, but that is an entire other blog. I’ll save that for a more purposeful time.

My experiences have run me far from God, and run me very close to him. The times where I was far from him, were the worst times for me. The times where I was the closest were the most rewarding seasons of my life. Not just for me, but for those around me. Like sharing light. Like being given a really epic blow torch that shoots green fire from one end and red from another. Like some kinda modern twistedly dangerous Darth Maul weapon. Anyway. The most Epic times were when I could play with my awesome gift. LIGHTING IT UP! for the world to see made it all the more cool. Can you imagine being around someone with a real thing like that? Wouldn’t you feel stoked to be near it? Oh shoot I went off on a tangent.

Anyway, I remember pin pointing a year that I would like to go back to. Do it all over again. Before I picked that year (2004) I would have thought that it would have all been too much work to re-do. However, there was something about that 2004 year and after in my life. There were a LOT of turning points between the then and now parts of my life. And if I could just take a fraction of the knowledge that I have now and hit the reset button to rewind back to 2004, I would be all over it.

As I began to really think about all of the things that happened in the subsequent years, I began to kind of get down about everything that I could have made better if I only had a second chance at the intensity of which I sought after things, the people I surrounded, or did not surround myself with, et cetera…

Prior to this pinpointing of a moment in time, I never was a person who would ever ‘do it all over again’. I was never a person who thought that I should really regret anything good or bad, because life as it was a gigantic learning experience. But now… I was not too sure.

So there I sat licking the wounds of my thoughts when I got a peaceful epiphany. Everyday is a second chance.  A second chance to so what is right. A second chance to love better. A second chance to work harder. A second chance to worry less. A second chance to choose wisely. A second chance to LIVE.

God says that his mercies are renewed daily. So, I have a choice. I can sit and think about the past, the opportunities not taken, the roads I traveled, the people I interacted with, or I can open my eyes, and look around me now, seeing that today will soon be yesterday. Yesterday will soon be years ago. And in my new today (years from now) I could be still sitting in the same corner liking away at my apathy, or inhibitions of 2009, praying silently for a restart button.

God is faithful to provide everything we need. When we lay our heads down, thanking God for what we have, our spiritual fingers are pressing down on the RENEW button. When God pours out his grace via lifting our lashes and filling our nostrils with fresh air of a new day, our spiritual fingers release the button –and away we go.

On to new life. New choices. A brand new day for a second chance.