Archive for March, 2009

Part-time me

Posted in Uncategorized on March 25, 2009 by divineappointment

So, I most definately feel like I am a part time ….something. I don’t feel like i love God part time. I definately don’t feel like he loves me part-time. But I do feel like my actions are part time. That fullness thereof just isn’t quite as full as it could be. i am reminded of the verse that says something about Jesus making our joy more complete. That our joy may be full. I need some time with this again. I am praying that my brittish guy reading the NIV to me tonight will be directed by God to speak life into the joy that i have. Complete Jesus deserves a Complete me.


As for Faith

Posted in Uncategorized on March 17, 2009 by divineappointment
If I told you that I audibly heard God singing, what would that mean to you? Would it be encouraging, or would it stir up a bitter root, and set a placemat for envy to break bread?

As for faith? Faith is not without evidence. Blind ‘faith’ passed down on the generations is tradition. Tradition is religion. Religion is not personal. Religion does not prove itself.

I cannot speak for anyone else’s religion. I can not speak for anyone else’s relationship. I can only say that my faith comes with evidence. Experience. Remembering. Acknowleging.
To me faith is not just ‘believing’ or ‘trusting’ it’s knowing. For me, it’s like anyother relationship.
I have to know, that love is there. If I doubt, there is no room for me to recieve love –even it it is constantly poured out.

My ignoring it, does not change the love that is poured out in any measure. It just closes off my ability to precieve it. My faith comes from hope, a half belief that is confirmed over and again, with a language that I understand. With a love language that gets down in the tightests crevices. The knowing comes from experience. Not forgetting those experiences. Living in the lessons, and fruit of them.
My faith comes from questions, from throwing frustrations, from running and running and running away. From crying, and lying to myself, and others. And realizing. Realizing what is real. What is tangible. I find that I was so bent to find real, but was really seeking tangible. So in tangible I sought. And in all of my tangibility, my tactile nourishment, I found nonentity. I found that I wanted more than tangible. Real is not always instant gratification. In my experiences it is not. Real love. Real Happiness. Real Sucess. Real Joy. A Real God.

The Book

Posted in Uncategorized on March 17, 2009 by divineappointment

Is the Bible just a book? Mere pages written by man? Is that the place where God lives? Is he trapped there like a wild animal to be tamed. Is he ready to salivate like pavlov’s poochies at the sound of bell? A tingaling cymbal?

Does it seem like all we are left with is a book?

Maybe the book isn’t just a book. Maybe, for all definitional purposes, it’s a book. But what if it were more? What if it transformed from book to …a pathway to something greater here on earth. Maybe the book is elementry and upon graduation …there is something else here on earth. Maybe then, and only then does it make sense. Maybe the readers of the book want to skip to graduation, as a first grader pines to get to adulthood. But until she understands the elementry teachings of the book, she can’t go anywhere else. And maybe understanding the elementry is more than knowing it, quoting it, anc acknowledging it. Maybe it’s living it. Maybe it’s believing it. Maybe not having all of the answers is enfuriating when there seems to be such an enormous need for answers in the world that she is living in. Maybe it seems like the world is just half baked without the things in the book happening in her life. Maybe she feels like she is on the outside looking in. Maybe it seems impossible that the book, an inanimate object can have the ability to be anything more than words on fragile pages. But maybe the pages gain strength by the decision to return to being a child. A child with simple belief. A belief that stories can jump off the page. And maybe, with a little perserverance she could jump in. Maybe that’s just it. Maybe the book isn’t just a book…

This time it’s for reals!

Posted in Uncategorized on March 10, 2009 by divineappointment

Getting real! So I left off here a long while ago. I completely forsook these divine appointments for things that were in no way more important. It’s too bad that my actions spoke otherwise. As I was sitting down with what I believe is an assignment from the Lord, I was excited. As my eyes peeked into the book of Ezekiel, my flesh began to tremble. Here I am sitting down with the Lord. This is for reals. I am at another coming of age point in my spiritual journey. Speaking of Journey, I need to sing a little from one of their most overplayed hits. DON’T STOP BELIEEEVIN’!

Okay, now that’s out of the way, I will continue! My first thought tonight as I began was “Oh this is for real.” I open up my blog and there it is. The blog I fell asleep on a few days back. The blog telling me that I needed to get real. I need to get real. Be real. What God has for me to do in this life is for real. What I really need to do is trust God. I feel like I am on a huge diving board 59 feet up in the air. I know I can’t swim. I love heights though. I feel like I am exhillerated. Standing here. Opening Ezekiel is making the board bounce a bit. I can feel my muscles tighten a bit. I guess I am not afraid of falling. No, it’s not the fall at all. Maybe it’s what lies beneath? I’ll be in a new environment. I’ll be in the deep end. No more kiddy pool. No more high platforms to climb up and down aimlessly. This is the plunge. This time it’s for real.

Acknowledging need

Posted in Uncategorized on March 6, 2009 by divineappointment

I need a lot of things. In articulare I need Jesus. I need the The Father Yaweh, and I need the Holy Spirit. I also need to get real. Thinking of that phrase just now stirs some new cognitive processes. “Getting Real.”
What is real?

re·al 1  

  (rē’əl, rēl)  Pronunciation Key 

  1. REAL:
    1. Being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verifiable existence: real objects; a real illness.
    2. True and actual; not imaginary, alleged, or ideal: real people, not ghosts; a film based on real life.
    3. Of or founded on practical matters and concerns: a recent graduate experiencing the real world for the first time.
  2. Genuine and authentic; not artificial or spurious: real mink; real humility.
  3. Being no less than what is stated; worthy of the name: a real friend.
  4. Free of pretense, falsehood, or affectation: tourists hoping for a real experience on the guided tour.
  5. Not to be taken lightly; serious: in real trouble.
  6. Philosophy Existing objectively in the world regardless of subjectivity or conventions of thought or language.
  7. Relating to, being, or having value reckoned by actual purchasing power: real income; real growth.

More of this in Fridays Blog.

Wednesday’s –Another guy’s blog

Posted in Quote Journal, Sharing Epiphanies on March 5, 2009 by divineappointment

That is all.


Avoidance Vs. Guidance

Posted in Life on a Stanza with tags , on March 4, 2009 by divineappointment

To tell the truth,

Time and again

The eyes of my heart

 hinge alongside avoidance

And looks not after guidance.

The latter, of course I know I need.

And yet I avoid it.

Run away for a while

I know You measure the air I breathe

My mind is filled with your majesty

My lips are rested upon each other

teeth clenched silent,

thoughts aloft,

trailing along,

running away,

knowing that where ever I go I’ll find you

So I need not run.

I know you’re here now


I know you know what

Questions are in succession

Following a curvilinear pathway

 Along my cerebellum

what I want

my intentions

I sigh it all away

hoping it will disappear

and you’ll be near singing.